Greetings travelers! We here at Joystick Tuggers are thirsting! Thirsting for knowledge! We have a thirst so massive, not even Tuscan Whole Milk can quench it! Luckily, our thirst about to be quenched (hopefully enough that I won't keep typing "thirst" and "quench"). We received an e-mail only moments ago from our newfound friends at Malicious Hardware Inc. aka MalWare, developer of the newly-confirmed 4th major contender in the console wars, the It Game From Outer Space!! Instead of rambling on about our findings, we thought it would only seem fit to let you, the reader, gaze in wild wonder at what we have found:
Dear Joystick Tuggers,
We here at MalWare would first like to say that SirDesmond and critThreat are the two most beautiful people in the entire world. Your handsome faces are our only drive in these troubling times. We hope to one day birth children one-fourth as perfect you from our loins.
With that being said, Rejoice! You are the first and only to receive the Introduction/Specifications Sheet, straight from our Singapore headquarters, for the It Game From Outer Space Gaming Console. One year from now, your blog will be looked upon as "God of all Blogs" and the very mention of its name will de-virginize all who hear it. This sheet is a probe into the anus of the future. Enjoy!
Your "Family",
Malicious Hardware, Inc.
Hello you of world Earth, prepare you edge of seat!! Fast forward in end of time!! Hear angel sings as you game for enjoyment of self!! Counter breathing in stinks of defeat!! Space is you haven of fun!! Is interesting and should be!! Eat other pets not your own!! Breed the Future of today!! Probe you and other you knows for all to see!! Catch fever only from Galaxy away from Prefecture!! Hear is best friends ever in videos game machine not kill you (maybe?!?!)!! It Game From Outer Space!!
Specifications:
CPU........................SYNS1300 1.96MHz
VIDEO...........................YES
AUDIO..........................CLICKINGS
VENTILATION..........BLOW WITH YOU MOUTH!!
MEMORY...............DeMotha Uni-Core 1.28MB
POWER SUPPRY...................ONLY $34.95USD
ON/OFF..............PUSH BUTTON OF EYES IN TOP
COLOR.....BLACK/WHITE/GREY/GREEN (DARK GREEN IN DELUXE!!)
WIRELESS.........NO WIRE FOR INSIDE OF EITHER
GAME HOLDER......Sphere-o-Round Springulator
DONGLES.....LATEX GLOVE (SMELL IT FOR GOODLUCKS!!)
.................HIGH-FIVE KIT (FOR ALONE GAME PLAYING!!)
............PETROL CONVERSION PAK (GREEN LIKE ARIEN!!)
.........SRAP-CHOP GAME CONTROL (LOVE IGFOS NUTS!!)
...........DISCIPLINE PADDLE (FOR PARENTS!!)
.........DOG DE-ICER (FOR OUT OF SIDE TIME!!)
.......PANTY SHIELD (GIRL CANS PLAY TOO!!)
............WOOD KETCHUP (EAT YOU A TREES!!)
.........CRAYONS BOX (MORE COLORS FOR TEREVISION!!)
.......3 PACK CIGARETTES (MAKE LIVE FOR GAMERS LONGER!!)
Amazed is the ones who had reads this!! YOU PAY NOW!! Only being started at $452.98USD!! Send Mail babys by male instead is too!! Erect funner live for every or else!! It Game From Outer Space is may in bush by you housefront, perhaps to eat familie's brains for morning!! Buy or die maybe soon!! CLICK HERE FOR PICTULES (Oficcial)!!
3 Comments:
The reviews on that Tuscan Whole Milk link were hilarious. You can also look to see how much other people are selling it for. $77 is, somehow, by far the cheapest.
Tuscan Whole Milk is just one of the countless oddities hidden within the labyrinthian halls of Amazon.com
I want this console and game! I pay now!
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